About two years after my first major romantic breakup as an adult, the guy got a job at the same large denominational ministry where I was working! I had to face him every day–and face the fact that my own heart was still boiling with a lack of forgiveness. With the Spirit’s help I was able to approach him in his office one day and ask him to forgive me for the resentment I had harbored in my heart. Confessing that to him brought an inner peace I would not have known otherwise. That experience taught me about the role of forgiveness in bringing peace to any kind of conflict.

Leaders have to deal with conflict at some point. Do you have a peace-making process in place for your organization? Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount offers practical steps for dealing with conflict, and provides a promise as well. How you treat others—especially during conflict—reveals who you are on the inside as a leader.

Leadership Principle No. 2: Serving and praying for those with whom you’re in conflict brings reconciliation and peace.

Jesus’ methods for working with people are applicable in any situation—home, workplace, school, church, community, etc. And since Jesus is the expert on being misunderstood, hurt, betrayed, and cursed by the people he loved the most, I’d say we can fully trust his teaching on how to handle conflict. Jesus’ instructions were both counter-cultural and counter-intuitive then—and still are today:

“Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. . . . Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:39-41, 44-45a).

Wow! While I hope you’re not literally dealing with physical anger or someone suing you, I believe the lesson here is that you go over and above their expectations by choosing to serve those who are against you, do something kind or thoughtful that will make them wonder why you’re treating them so well. Loving and praying for your enemies is a challenge for anyone, yet Jesus modeled it. If we claim to be Christ-following leaders, then we know to whom our leadership will be compared.

Leadership Practice No. 2: Christ-following women leaders take the initiative in offering reconciliation.

How we handle conflict affects our lives in countless ways, including our offer of worship to God. Jesus said,

“When you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).

Notice how this is referring to someone who has something against you and it doesn’t say it depends on whether they are right. This requires great humility. This can be virtually impossible to do, yet we have the Holy Spirit to work through us. Here’s a suggested process:

Step 1: After praying for the person with whom you’re in conflict, communicate with them (preferably in person), and acknowledge the conflict between you. This does not mean you necessarily take the blame. This may open some constructive dialogue.

Step 2: Stop and remind yourself that you have already been reconciled to God through Christ, God did not count your sins against you, and you have been entrusted with the message of reconciliation. (See 2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

Step 3: Express your desire for reconciliation by asking for forgiveness from the other person and offer your forgiveness.

Step 4: If they accept your offer, humbly express your gratitude. If they do not accept your offer, honor their response with respect, give it some time, and go back to Step 1. Your ability to forgive them does not depend on their response. Your ability to move on in peace does depend on your ability to ability to forgive, regardless of their response.

Your ability to move on in peace does depend on your ability to forgive, regardless of their response.

Leadership Promise No. 2:

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9 NRSV).

Leadership Proposal for Women

In your heart, you know there are people with whom you disagree or have an issue of conflict. What if you started praying for them and asking God’s blessing on them? Try it every day for 21 days and see what happens. I’d love to hear the results.

In the meantime, let me know in the Comments what your biggest leadership challenge is right now.