Going outside our comfort zones is always a little challenging. All of us find it easiest to do routine things with familiar people. Yet, to be a leader, you will be required to have some skill in working outside your comfort zone. Leaders are expected to go outside their comfort zones through new projects, a different approach to a situation, to meet new people, to train others to do difficult tasks, etc. Leaders who are Christ-followers are blessed to have access to Jesus’ operations manual (the Bible) and a personal coach (the Holy Spirit).

When it comes to making friends outside our comfort zones, Jesus provides the perfect example. Matthew 9:35-38 is a foreshadowing of the later verses we know as the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20. I want to focus here on Jesus’ method in Matthew 9:36, which reads:

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (NRSV).

Here are practical steps that have helped to shape my approach to making friends outside my comfort zone:

1. Be present—go to their world, or at least go over to their side of the room. The only way Jesus saw the crowds was to be among them. He intentionally left heaven (talk about a comfort zone!) to come into our hurting, messed-up world so he could demonstrate what it looks like when a human loves like God loves. Make a point to introduce yourself to the new people in the room (in your mind, pretend you’re the host and they are your guests). Learn their names and use them whenever you see them. Ask how they got into their field of work; ask their opinion about something; ask where they grew up and what they miss most about it; ask about their hobbies/interests; ask how they found out about your workplace/church/school/gathering. Make them feel comfortable talking about themselves by listening carefully for a connection you may have to something they mention. Draw a dotted line from your life experiences to theirs by sharing what you have in common. Here’s a real-life example of a recent opportunity (see photo above) I had to make some new friends that was reported on the radio. Read and listen here. 
2. Offer genuine concern—allow your curiosity to uncover a need. Jesus offered compassion to people, not judgment and criticism. It is so easy for us to form opinions about people based on assumptions and judgments before we ever even talk to them or know them. Jesus had the ability to read people’s minds and thoughts and he still offered compassion and forgiveness. The saying is true: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” When someone looks different than you, find a way to sincerely compliment something about the way they’re dressed (beautiful headscarf or skirt or cool hat). Ask if it has a special meaning. If they are covered in tattoos, ask them to tell you about them. Show an interest in something that is obviously important to them. If you discover you don’t speak the same language, use hand signals with a smile and thumbs up (but don’t touch the other person—that is unacceptable in some cultures). A smile is universally accepted and will open the door to more communication. When I lived in Romania where people typically only speak to people they know, my Texan friendliness would get curious reactions from others, but it was always positive. 
3. Change your perspective—open your mind to a new way of thinking about someone else’s situation or condition. Jesus could see the problems of the people around him as the result of situations out of their control. Those results were harassment and helplessness just like sheep without a shepherd. This broken world we live in causes chaos in all our lives, yet some people have resources to rise above the chaos while others need more help. Jesus offers us opportunities to be like him whenever we choose first to see other people through his loving eyes and second to offer some kind of help. Newcomers to your workplace need to know the others in the department, how to run the copy machine, a friend to eat lunch with, where the best coffee is, and how to approach the boss with questions. Newcomers in your community need to know about doctors, stores, schools, places of worship, great places to eat, and neighborhood resources. Newcomers to our country need to know we are a welcoming place to belong, how to understand our culture, places to learn our language, how to shop in our stores, where to find a doctor, and how to open a bank account or get a drivers license. My experience in Romania was wonderful because Romanians (and other Americans) helped me find my way around and welcomed me into their homes. Our culture is fast losing the art of opening our homes to new people–let’s change that.

Everyone needs new friends – so be one! 

P.S. If you live in the Austin area, I will be teaching a 6-week course entitled “When God Chooses a Woman First – And Why It Matters” at Endeavor University at The Lakeway Church on Thursdays at 2:00 pm, starting February 23, 2017. Register here.